The All-Powerful Resume

Below is the Holy Grail of resumes. If you're squeamish, hide your eyes and quickly run away. Otherwise make sure your manager buddies and any love-starved women are not looking, lest they try to steal me for themselves. You'll wonder how you ever coded software without this insanely talented, yet humble and modest, coder on your team. :)

Please see my latest discovery of why my interviewing is horrible, but my coding skill is top shelf!